End of Year Blues

The other day, someone came up to me and said they had read my previous post, from last summer. They complimented my writing. It made me happy, it really did. There have been some things on my mind recently, so I figured I’d write something down again. Thank that person for the inspiration.

Writing, and language in general is one of the things I’m pretty good at, always was really. Probably stems from my mother being very passionate about the topic. So naturally, I’ve made a conscious effort to learn and uphold good and correct usage of the two main languages I speak. Of course my English isn’t quite as good as my Finnish, but I think I have a decent grasp on it at this point. I struggle more with spelling than I do with grammar nowadays. So indeed, when someone goes out of their way to tell me my writing is good, it makes me happy. Feels like my efforts haven’t gone to waste. Thank you friend, for your words of recognition.

That isn’t what I set out to talk about today, though. The title probably implies as much. Recently I’ve been feeling down, more and more so as the year ticks down to the last few of its weeks. I’m not one to go around shoving my problems at others, I’d rather manage and get past them on my own since I know I am capable of that (you can refer to my previous post for more thoughts on this). Yesterday I was even more miserable than usual though, so I told myself I’d spend some time today writing about it on here.

It’s natural to have ups and downs, happy and sad moments in life. And on paper, it seems like most of the notable events in my life for the past few weeks have been the happy kind. Yet I’m constantly stuck in this cloud of gloom for some reason. It upsets me to not be able to understand it myself, this didn’t use to happen. So I tried to seriously reflect on it the other day, to some moderate success.

It feels like my life, or this year at least, is slowly dissolving back to how it was on day one. Everything that I’ve been building up to over these 10 or so months, is slowly resetting back to the old status quo. I’m not quite sure what to do about it, nor if I even can do much about it. I don’t have the mental strength to fight for everything and everyone at once. What sucks is that I consciously forwent many things in favor of others this year, some of which now kind of seem like a waste. Oh well, live and learn. If nothing else, I have a bunch of memories of 2017 to look back on.

Maybe I’m just not cut out to deal with all of this. After so many years, I should know my own pace, and stick to it. Focus on what really matters. Hold onto what you already have, because you have a lot already. You’re the best at being you.

However, even though there are only a handful of weeks left in the year, they’re quite the eventful few weeks. Christmas is almost here, in fact it is the first advent today. In an attempt to offset my mood, and to uphold a family tradition,  I decided I’ll make some christmas star pastries tonight:

We’ll see how it goes.

Christmas also means a lot of time spent with, and thinking about, family. I love my family, and very much enjoy the time we spend together. Next weekend I’ll be heading back home for some christmas prep, and after I’m done with school I will haul my ass home again for the holidays. Probably won’t take my PC with me, so don’t expect me to do much of anything online during that time. You can reach me on social media, but that’s about it.

Happy holidays~

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